"Had a weird dream about a guy who I prohibited myself from talking to. Maybe I should tell him."
$$
I tried finding a version of White Awakening with the bassline I was alluding to yesterday, but I couldn't particularly find any version by just skimming them. Sorry. Maybe in the future it'll come to me.
$$
Told the guy. He didn't really care. I miss when we talked often, and I miss when we were actually friends. We have lost all of this and are now nothing at all. Bodyvoids chasing.
$$
Listening to Not That I'm Anywhere real loud. I plugged my headphones into a different jack on my computer and now they have all this bass that I thought they were lacking. It's weird. It sounds kind of bad actually, but I guess I'll get used to this. I find myself drowning in the new. I have lots of memories affiliated to music, I remember my favorite dinner ever was had whilst I listened to this one Joey Bada$$ mixtape for the first time (God... isn't he so bad nowadays?), I remember every time I introduced a friend to The Ghost~Pop Tape, but with some songs it feels like they make me invent memories instead. With Cities Aviv I can recall going through a labyrinth in Fractal Block World (1. What font should a game constitute? 2. You should check that game out, you know...) whilst listening to Man Plays The Horn, but I don't have any real memories with Black Pleasure. It exists in a void. In this void, in this empty pit, I am now imagining endlessly:
Sickly story of (Helvetica) Heaven/Hell Times in remembrance for the future. I lived a long and beautiful life as a chronicled storywriter newsmaker in H./H. Pleiades. It was a famous publication read by stars all throughout, from Alcyon to the hypothetical Zyzzyxes. All loved me. All took care of me. One time, when I was interviewing a young root star by the orchard of north-eastern Pleaides, I found myself not having enough to sleep comfortably anywhere. I found myself quite desperate at this time so I told a few stars, and whilst almost all just wished well fortunes on me, one gave me a place to live. We ended up becoming something much deeper and whilst now I can't find it in me to describe it, we would be nothing without that time. This star told me of a time, still humane, when it went out into the field and played with a young spry dog, both chasing sticks throughout a not-yet-burning sun's allowance. In recent time, as this star collapsed, I found myself trying to blame someone, but I couldn't find much because at the end of the day time was all that happened here. We whispered to eachother how much love was shared, in numbers and graphs, in maps and routes, all this work that went into our shared life, and that was the last of it. She left. I am now leaving as well, much lonelier. I find myself seeking to recall all this to know that at one point in time I was not alone. When I'm published in an obituary sometime soon, stars all throughout will surely spend some moments in their head wishing me well, just like they did before, but right now I am not in company at all. This is a strange position to be in. This is all strange, and although it is not new, I never thought it would come so quickly.
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