Thursday, August 6, 2026

His Name Is Alive - 1985-1989 Stuff, Early Works

Part 1

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Is this the great filter?  |||||||

            closing              in...

never could I guess     |||||||

no one could hear

                                     me

I've been here              ||||||

looking and looking      ||||||

and looking and        |||||||||

looking and  |||||||||||||||||||||||

looking. ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

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Telstar Drugs

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This one time I was participating in a model UN (which is a sickly gross geopolitical kiddie-nightmare and I advise all younger than me never to engage) hosted at a religious school, and through the cloudy morning hours I snuck some time away from the loudness of a hundred fake delegations to their sanctuary. It was dimly lit and I could feel it rejecting me, but the rapture hasn't come for anybody yet so I guess I get to live if not for a little while longer. When I was young I found it real tragic that one should place a portion of their entire being into stressing over "a great misfortune soon to come," and nowadays I've found my own thinking overridden with this thought. Down somewhere, we are all the same.

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"...although it's quite loud."

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Part 2

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Remo o o ve me... ♥♡♥♡♥♡ 

                                                singing like my mother...

                                                                                            how strange it is to be
                                                                            here after all of that. How strange
                                                            it is to be here after all of that. Sometimes
                                                    in the middle of the night I get up, and I don't
                                    really go anywhere. I stare longingly at the ceiling. To calm
                myself (not that I'm agitated or anything, just to soothe myself back down)
    I usually sing La clara fuente in a high-pitch. I warble my voice like my mother did,
                although this song doesn't really call for that. "I loved you my whole life,
                        and I'll never forget you" is how that song goes for a while. It's very
                                    beautiful and I think it knows more than I do.
                not that I can say I know anything, really. But...
    sometimes with music I can feel as though the
        artist has some developed omniscience that they're practicing
                        through the music I'm hearing. I feel that a lot whenever
                                I hear something by Warn Defever. He started this
                                        in a little place called "Livonia" in Michigan.
                                                when you look that up you get an old
                                                            region in Latvia and Estonia.
                                                                           I wonder if it's mountainous over there.
                                                                           In the Michigan one...
                                                                           well, I also don't know.
                                                                           It's all strange.
                                                                           It's all weird.
                                                                           Today I found myself trying to
                                                        sleep in, due to a terrible outpour of rain
                                        and thunder. It was loud and roaring, and I was not
                            ready to handle any hint of that.
                                                                           It's all strange.
                                                                          It's all weird.
                                                                         It's all cold.
                                                                        It's all wet. It's all humid. It all smells weird.
                                                                       This is an old emotion.

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In the old run!

$\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\//\\,.;>   <("I haven't done a marathon in a while! I remember   }
                                              { the last one I tried to do ended up real terrible.        }
                                              { I trained well, that wasn't the problem. There was   }
                                              { just awful, awful weather. It started about twenty     }
                                              { minutes in, so there wasn't much they could do       }
                                              { about it. I slowed down, but some of my mates       }
                                              { got lost in the water and thunder. Can you think      }
                                              { how scary that must've been? What would you       }
                                              { have done? ...this one seems to be fine though.")   }>

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Part 3

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"I have named this one doubt. It is from after I stopped clattering with toys. We were no longer one, and as nothing we took our paths forward. I remember my toys would come and feed me ham with herbs, it was fine and royal, but the toys shut down their castle and I collapsed shortly after." 

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